


Struggle with the Knot

by ohthiscantbegood



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, scattered scenes and story starters, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 00:01:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13399083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohthiscantbegood/pseuds/ohthiscantbegood
Summary: They’d both been staring into their coffee, but Bucky looked up then, willing Steve to do the same. “You really think there’s something you can’t tell me?”





	Struggle with the Knot

**Author's Note:**

> Steve has a secret even Bucky doesn't know. Just a scene right now, but might become part of a longer work.

“You were the first thing to come back, you know. When I started to remember things from before? Most of it was just bits and pieces—lot of it still is. But you were the first thing I could really get a hold of. You were clear.” He smiled—a small, sad quirk of the lips. “I barely knew who I was. Who I'd been. But I knew we’d been friends for about as long as I could remember. And I knew I’d loved you for just about as long. Stevie, please...”

They’d both been staring into their coffee, but Bucky looked up then, willing Steve to do the same.

“You really think there’s something you can’t tell me?”

Bucky’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but Steve could hear the pain in it—could feel it like it was his own. It was, he supposed. Was it weird that they never really talked about it? Never put into words how hard it had been for each of them, carrying a secret they hadn’t known they shared? Even now, when everything was out in the open.

Almost everything.

He took a deep breath and met Bucky’s eyes. They were as beautiful as they’d always been, and he held his breath for a moment before remembering to exhale.

“Oh, Buck, it’s...” he breathed out, shaking his head lightly. “I don’t know.”

He was silent for a long moment, and Bucky leaned forward, reaching across the table with his right hand. Steve hesitated for an instant before grasping it in both of his, smoothing his thumbs over the knuckles. Even there, he could see the faint traces of scars that might never fade away.

“I don’t really know what happened. I mean, I was there—I remember it. But I don’t understand it." He stared down at Bucky's hand, and it was clear that he was looking through it to some other time. He took another deep breath, as if to clear his thoughts, and raised his eyes to Bucky's again. "How can I explain it to you when I don’t understand it myself?”

“Try me,” Bucky said, giving Steve’s hands a firm squeeze. “I mean, we pretty much specialize in crazy shit you‘d hardly believe if you saw it.” Steve laughed at that and Bucky's smirk turned into a real smile. “Come on,” he said. “Lay it on me.”

“Alright,” Steve said, the hesitation still evident in his posture and in his face. “Alright.”

Steve was cold then, suddenly. He shivered a bit, and Bucky got up from the table, letting go of his hand just long enough to come around and tug him up and toward the couch. “I’ve got a feeling this one requires blankets,” he said, settling into the corner of the sofa and guiding Steve down to sit close. He reached back, over the side of the couch, and dragged the heavy blanket close enough for Steve to drape it over the both of them. The weight of it calmed him on nights when his dreams echoed with screams, and he hoped it would help to settle Steve now--even without enhanced hearing, he'd have been able to feel the heart he'd placed his hand over pounding. He leaned the both of them back and turned a bit, wrapping himself around Steve like a second blanket. Steve went where he was led and drawing his feet up, and tangling them with Bucky’s.

Bucky placed a gentle kiss on Steve’s shoulder, and the tension drained a bit from both of them as they sank into the cushions. He waited patiently while Steve decided how to begin.

They stayed there into the afternoon, sometimes talking and sometimes silent, holding each other together.


End file.
